Kerala is fast casting off the yoke of a caste ridden society. But intra caste marriage is still the norm. With education and advancement some members of the newer generation have adopted the global dating and marriage routine, however even now the younger lot let family and parents settle on their prospective spouse.
Matchmaking in Kerala
:Keralites or Malayalis still follow the traditional modes of matchmaking. Since it is still the parents and even the extended family which looks for a suitable alliance for the bride or groom, the initial step is to inform one’s social circle (intra community) of the family’s intentions to get the boy/girl married. In festive gatherings, temples etc. the family members discuss the matrimonial intentions of the boy/girl and the qualities and traits the family will be looking for in the prospective bride/groom respectively. Very often a distant relative or a family friend or a social acquaintance approaches with a suitable match in their family. The photos and details such as educational qualifications, interests etc are exchanged.
Rather than the individual compatibility of the bride and groom, family status and financial soundness are considered. Once there is a family consensus on the general background of the bride/groom the marriage discussions proceed. Often, horoscope matching plays a very important part, especially in the devout Nambodiri and other Hindu families. Horoscopes are swapped on an auspicious day in front of the boy’s family deity. There are 10 matches (aspects) that are looked for in the 2 horoscopes (natal charts) based on the time of birth, ascendant, star on the ascent (nakshatra porutham) etc. This is a very significant feature of matchmaking as girls with afflictions in their horoscopes such as the infamous Mangalik dosha/ Kuja dosha (Afflicted mars) etc find it very difficult to get a suitable alliance. Once a high degree of astrological compatibility is found (7-8 of the 10 aspects) the families get ready to meet the prospective bride/groom. Again on an auspicious day, the boy’s family is invited to meet the bride and her family.
The girl is dressed beautifully and presented. The boy/ prospective groom may or may not accompany his family. If the alliance seems suitable to all, a date is fixed for the betrothal Sometimes the family decides to place an advertisement in the popular regional or English daily newspapers or in the magazines. Most of these publications devote a space regularly to such advertisements. With the advancement in technology, both individuals and families are looking towards newer modes of procuring a good alliance such as posting matrimonial ads in matchmaking websites. These websites devote sections to Malayali matchmaking based on the communities, religion or other specifications as desired by the boy’s/girl’s family. Some such sites are:
It is also worth mention here that all Hindu communities in Kerala except the Namboodiris practiced cousin marriage. A boy could rightfully claim the hand of the daughter of his maternal uncle or paternal aunt, in marriage. Among Muslims cousin marriage is a common practice but Christians never marry among their blood relations and cousins.
The Betrohal
:Among Hindus there is an engagement ceremony with prayers and chants from the Vedas, the sacred fire is invoked, the bride gifted silk and jewelry and a Sadya is organized for family and friends. An important aspect is the exchange of trays on which auspicious symbols such as betel leaves and nut, vermillion, turmeric etc. This engagement is however binding and cannot be broken. The families set the marriage date based on astrological consultations. Among the Syriac Christians the bride and groom meet each other after the family’s consent is obtained. Once they seem conducive to the match, they inform their respective churches of the intent and seek a sanction. Once that is granted, the prospective groom and bride, undergo a marriage preparation course at the church itself. The families then hold a formal engagement where a church officer and a vicar are present. This is called manasammatham. A prayer is held and the vicar blesses the couple. Rings are swapped and a record is made in the church register. On the 3 subsequent Sundays, the betrothal is announced during the church congregation, to allow anyone to raise an objection if the need be. A date is fixed for the marriage based on families’ comfort. Among the Muslims, the bride and groom are provided the opportunity to meet after gaining family sanction. Based on their favorable inclination, the valayidal is organized. This is a ritual in which the groom’s family gifts their prospective daughter-in-law gold ornaments these are usually antique, passed down through generations of women and hold emotional value. New jewelry may also be gifted. The betrothal date is fixed as per mutual comfort. The men in the bride's family visit the groom, and give him some cash and gold ornaments amidst recitation of portions of the Koran. Among both, the Syriac Christians and the Muslims, and engagement betrothal is not binding.
Before the Marriage day:
Christian Households
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Wedding preparations in the Christian household is called Madhuramvekal. The groom is given a shave, a hair cut and is anointed with oil. He is then led to a customary bath. He is led back under the shelter of an umbrella held by his brother-in-law. The women clap and midst ululation, the groom gets dressed. Similarly the bride is assisted in her oil-bath and is decked up beautifully by her sister-in-law. The groom is fed a sweet made of Banana and palm syrup or milk. Similarly the bride is also fed his sweet signifying the sweetness in her forthcoming marital life.
Muslim Households
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A day before the marriage, the groom’s female relatives visit the bride and apply Mylanchi on her hands. They sing and bless her signifying an inclusion of the bride into the household. The bride’s friends and sisters sometimes perform the Oppana in this occasion. But usually oppana is performed while preparing the bride for the marriage.
Hindu Households
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The day before the marriage, the bride and the groom meet their families at their respective homes and are blessed by the elders. Mylanchi designs are made on the bride’s hands and the kaikottaikali is performed in non-Brahmin households. The groom is led to a temple on the morning of the wedding (sometimes the previous evening) to seek the approval of the Gods. The groom and the taali (sacred thread) are blessed by the priest.
Marriage Rituals:
Christian Marriages In Kerala
:Christian marriages in Kerala are held in the church as is done globally. The groom invites the bride on the wedding day by sending her transportation to the church and waits there for her. The bride arrives dressed in a white gown or an off-white saree. The groom wears a formal suit. A veil and tiara are worn by the bride and she is handed a bouquet of flowers by the groom’s best man. The bride is led down the aisle by her father or some close male relative who gives the bride away. The priest there receives the couple and a wedding mass is held with renditions from the Bible and hymns are sung. The pries then delivers a speech on the sanctity of the sacred institution the couple will be entering, on the virtues of abiding by the vows and the importance of love, care and adjustments. This is called the Homily. Homily over, the priest blesses the rings and they are exchanged. The couple vow to stay in love and be loyal and helpful to each other as long as they live. A final blessing is received by the couple from the priest as man and wife are which the couple sign the wedding register at the church. The guests shower blessings, flower petals and rice as the newly weds walk out the church. A reception is usually held later at the bride’s maternal home and cake cutting and easting is in order.
Syriac Christians
:Most of the Syriac Christians of Kerala were Hindus who converted to Christianity. Hence man Hindu rituals have been included in the marriage. The groom gifts the bride a saree called the Mantra Kodi and ties a taali, yellow thread with a cross pendant, signifying their eternal bond. His sister assists him in this act. This is called the thalikettu. The remaining rituals of the ordinary Christian marriage are also observed.
Muslim Marriages In Kerala
:A traditional Muslim marriage in Kerala starts with the arrival of the Baraat, where the groom arrives with an entourage. Family and musicians accompany him. This is a cheerful episode and the bride’s sisters are allowed to play pranks on the groom. Earlier during the day a Mehr (nuptial gift), usually in the form of cash is decided by the elders of the family. The Maulvi or priest performs the marriage. Portions from the Quaran are read and the nuptial contract is prepared. This is offered by the room and consented to by the bride. This ritual is known as the Ijab-e-Qubul. The Mehr is a compulsory gift and is then given to the bride’s family. The Nikkahnama or the document of this agreement is signed by the couple, their fathers and the Maulvi or Mullah and registered. There is feasting and singing and the couple are allowed to see each others faces through a mirror. A prayer for their marital bliss is also conducted. The bride is then given the Vidaai or an emotional farewell by her family and friends.
Hindu Marriages In Kerala
:In the yesteryears, Kerala saw a strange system of Nambodiri men marrying Nair women in a casual marriage called Sambandham. This resulted from the dictate that only the eldest Namboodiri son could marry intra caste. However this system soon saw a decline and now all Namboodiri boys marry intra caste.
Namboodiri Marriage Rituals
:The Namboodiri weddings are most elaborate and traditionally spanned a period of about 4 days but in modern times are completed in a single day. A number of significant rituals are followed. The sacred fire is lit and Vedic mantras are chanted by a number of Brahmins. The tying of the sacred Taali (yellow thread with a golden pendent) is the highlight of the marriage. The giving away of the bride is usually don’t by the bride’s father and it is an emotional moment as he gives her hand into the groom’s and washes his off (panigrahanam) signifying that he gives away his daughter and she no longer belongs to his gotra and family. There is the exchange of garlands before proceeding to the saptapadhi. The groom holds his wife’s toes and walks her 7 steps to the grinding stone. They also take seven rounds of the sacred fire and make vows of everlasting loyalty and responsibility towards each other. The bride then throws puffed rice into the fire. The couple then seeks the blessings of all the elders and then a feast called the Sadya is organized.
Nair Marriage Rituals
:Nair marriages are simple and hold much more social significance than religious. On the auspicious day, the bride’s family welcomes the groom and is entourage at the venue of the wedding to the notes of the Nadaswaram (a long horn like instrument) and Tavil (drums). The groom is accorded a special welcome by the bride’s brother who washes his feet and garlands him. He is then escorted to the canopied stage (mandapam) by girls holding auspicious symbols such as a sacred oil lamp, the 'ashtamangalya', a plate holding mirror, bell, vermilion box, and a 'kindi' or water container with a spout. This mandapam is decorated with flower garlands, palm fronds and small plantain trees. The bride then arrives in a splendid silk saree and at the ascertained hour (muhurtham) the groom ties the taali or the sacred thread around her neck. This is a yellow thread with a golden pendent signifying the marital status of a woman. Then garlands are exchanged by the bride and groom. She is now gifted a silk saree and jewelry by her husband and in-laws. Traditionally marriage over the Nair woman would go back to her Tarawad, her matrilineal home but nowadays she accompanies her husband to his household. She enters her marital home right foot forward by kicking over a large measure of paddy signifying the prosperity and plenty she brings with her. A reception is usually held with social gathering and feasting.
